Anyone who's seen my specials knows I don't put out the same stuff twice.

I don't want to die tomorrow knowing I could've had a piece of cake tonight.

There's 5 levels of fatness! Fluffy is one of the levels. There's big, healthy, husky, fluffy and damn.

Why do people measure life by the years instead of how good the years were?

I drink diet coke so I can eat regular cake.

Me racist? The only race I hate is the one you have to run.

Life is measured by how you lived it, not by the years.

With all the classes they offer at school, how come they don't have one for common sense?

When you go to Hawaii, it's all about "Aloha." It means hello, goodbye and I love you.

You live by the cake, you die by the cake.

I had to travel half way across the world to be called an American.

One realized all sorts of things. The value of an illusion, for instance, and that the shadow can be more important than the substance. All sorts of things.

I may be dead inside, but I'm more than alive enough for you." He gripped her chin and covered her mouth with his.

A good teacher offers practice, a bad one offers theories.

The discontented man finds no easy chair.

God never ceases to speak to us, but the noise of the world without and the tumult of our passions within bewilder us and prevent us from listening to him

God our Lord would have us look to the Giver and love Him more than His gift, keeping Him always before our eyes, in our hearts, and in our thoughts.

A religion that gives nothing, costs nothing, and suffers nothing, is worth nothing.

There is no place for government to prohibit consumers from buying products the effect of which will be to harm themselves.

We're involved in trillions of little acts just to keep going.

Would you become a pilgrim on the road of love? The first condition is that you make yourself humble as dust and ashes.