Anything seen on TV is, in a subtle and sinister sense, thereby endorsed.

There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?

If your parents never had children, chances are... neither will you.

As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.

Censorship feeds the dirty mind more than the four-letter word itself.

It's a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn't want to hear.

I don't see the future as bright, language-wise. I see it as a glass half empty - and evaporating quickly.

I eat at this German-Chinese restaurant and the food is delicious. The only problem is that an hour later you're hungry for power.

I don't feel old. I feel like a young man that has something wrong with him.

Obviously those who burn to be professional jesters mean that they want to be successful comedians. And those are always an elite, microscopic portion of the population. But oh, how they try.

My IQ is somewhere between Spiro Agnew's and Albert Einstein's.

Keep the personal, personal and do not be guilty of spreading bad feelings.

Grant that we may not so much seek to be understood as to understand.

Men should be like Kleenex, soft, strong and disposable.

When I was writing 'Kitchen Confidential,' I was in my 40s, I had never paid rent on time, I was 10 years behind on my taxes, I had never owned my own furniture or a car.

Certainly it is not a democracy.

The difference between successes and failures in life is simply that winners take the first step.

It is very difficult to make one's way in this world without being wicked at one time or another, when the world's way is so wicked to being with.

You and Teacher,” said Molly. “Yes,” said Peter. “She’s very clever. You’ll like her.” “I’m sure,” said Molly.

We do not need to wait for the Holy Spirit to come: he came on the day of Pentecost. He has never left the church.

Every single morning you wake up with the opportunity to be yourself, or be the idea of someone else. For me it is all about... my favourite mantra is: "You do you. I do me. They do they."