Anything television trivia I'm good at. But when you're on your couch, you're really good at it, but when you're standing there, it's probably scary.

Your inability to see yourself clearly is what's keeping you alive.

I looked up and saw the shape of a heart made by the silhouette of Ben Affleck and Matt Damon kissing.

We need to stop telling girls they can be anything they want when they grow up. Because it would have never occurred to them that they couldn't.

I do love poop. I can't help it. The heart wants what it wants. I enjoy being clever and pithy and political, but nothing's going to get me like dumb stuff.

People are always introducing me as Sarah Silverman, Jewish comedienne. I hate that! I wish people would see me for who I really am — I'm white!

Jews, black people - any people who are hated or who have suffered, either as individuals or as a people - use humour. It is a survival skill.

I hope the Jews did kill Christ, I'd do it again in a second.

Drew Friedman isn't just a brilliant artist. He takes you to a place. He takes you back in time. He makes you smell the stale cigarettes and cold brisket and you say, thank you for the pleasure.

They've got great parents; I'm just trying to be the fun uncle.

I like talking about things that are taboo, because it makes them not taboo anymore.

He was smarter than most, more sensitive. In that regard he was more prepared for the loneliness of senescence than she was. He'd been a stranger in the world for most of his life.

The most dangerous and wonderful creature alive is the human.

If England treats her criminals the way she has treated me she doesn't deserve to have any.

The rhetoric is the first step, it coarsens attitudes

...like the 75 billion souls who lived before him, each and every one a treasure, he, too, will die.

If I should die tomorrow, I will have no regrets. I did what I wanted to do. You can't expect more from life.

Right after Dynasty ended I had a facelift and laser surgery to get rid of lines around my eyes.

As If I could just turn my feelings off like a faucet.

It is not our responsibility to make it acceptable; it is our duty to make it available.

Like all right-listening folk, I am an implacable enemy of all muzak.