Anything that's for free, people will take. They don't discriminate.

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough.

Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that people assume it was some kind of waltz in the park back then.

Being Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm was the best thing to happen to Larry David in life.

Give a guy a girlfriend and a great job, he doesn’t need therapy.

I’d rather have the thieves than the neighbors - the thieves don't impose. Thieves just want your things, neighbors want your time.

Women love a self-confident bald man.

Sometimes you have to wander a bit, and do what you don't want to in order to figure out what it is you're supposed to do.

Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate.

I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab.

A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone

Humanity must forgive 'Humanity', for only then can we be Humane.

Sometimes, you need to spit stuff out in words to get it better arranged in your head. I figure if you never talk about it, it just picks its own spot and lays there and festers.

Keep your hand moving. (Don’t pause to reread the line you have just written. That’s stalling and trying to get control of what you’re saying.)

Truly being authentic is knowing what matters to you, on the deepest level of who you are, and committing always to act from that authentic center.

Are you a traveling man he asked?

There are places that are so designed they're unlivable.

Where does a wise man kick a pebble? On the beach. Where does a wise man hide a leaf? In the forest.

In my experience, followers always ask leaders 3 questions: 1) Do you care 4 me? 2) Can you help me? 3) Can I trust you?

Salvation is the entire universe being brought back into harmony with its maker.

Religion is removed from the public realm, and the public realm is removed from the affairs of religion. However, this is not neutrality. Implicitly, it supports secularism.