Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.

Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.

When a comic becomes enamored with his own views and foists them off on the public in a polemic way, he loses not only his sense of humor but his value as a humorist.

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.

Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: 'Are your ready?'

Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.

Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead.

Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Happiness is having a rare steak, a bottle of whiskey, and a dog to eat the rare steak.

If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.

The blessing we receive for following Jesus comes also with persecutions, which, if we have faith to accept them, can also be a blessing.

We came to this earth to labour and work for increase, which would lead to possession.

No great artist ever sees things as they really are. If he did, he would cease to be an artist.

The Four Conditions of Happiness: Life in the open air, Love for another being,Freedom from ambition,Creation

People should allow themselves the opportunity to really know what the unity of God means. To grasp a part of the nondivisible union is to grasp the whole.

Emotional power is maybe the most valuable thing that an actor can have.

And the people I'm best friends with on the films are not generally the actors.

We want to know what our self is. We are the sky. Our thoughts are the birds that come and go. You can enjoy the birds and their beauty, but it is the sky that lasts.

I guess the only jewels of my life were the pictures I made with Fred Astaire.

I don't know that I'd agree I was our best player.