Apparently, I'm very, very popular in jails. They often ask me to come and speak.

Translators are like ninjas. If you notice them, they’re no good.

My father - I once asked him what was his greatest achievement. He said his greatest achievement was that he fought in five wars in the infantry, always on the front line, and never hurt anybody.

According to Gur's theory of boredom, everything that happens in the world today is because of boredom: love, war, inventions, fake fireplaces - ninety-five percent of all that is pure boredom.

It's kind of a reflex for me to ignore my own wishes and think about other people first.

If you want to learn how to be happy, you have to know what is sadness first.

Rabbits are played. Nowadays it's all about the turtles. Tell them it's a ninja, they'll freak.

The one who swallows cactuses with spines should not complain about hemorrhoids.

Writing a story is kind of like surfing, as opposed to the novel, where you use a GPS to get somewhere. With surfing, you kind of jump.

For three months, a person sits and looks at you, imagining a kiss.

Most of the Jewish writer friends I have are American, and I feel closer to them because they're always obsessed with one issue - identity: what does it mean to be an American Jew?

Smiling face of every little girl is the signature of God’s presence.

Our Feast gatherings, which has spread all over the world, is attended by young people - and they love to sing worship songs.

John's old Caddie had a huge engine that would qualify as a human rights violation if built today. It roared down the road, chugging gas and farting a blue cloud of dinosaur souls.

Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline.

Don't bring a prop. It's almost like they were afraid nobody would know who they are.

My secret vice is Sudoku puzzles. Can't stop playing them. My parents are accountants. I blame them entirely.

Anyway, maybe there weren't any solutions. Human society, corpses and rubble. It never learned, it made the same cretinous mistakes over and over, trading short-term gain for long-term pain.

The biggest thing I have learned is you can't take anything for granted. You have to work as hard as you can every night, regardless.

Since I was three I've been playing the piano. I've been onstage.

We are the people of life, because God, in His unconditional love, has given us the Gospel of Life, and we are called to act accordingly.