Apply Truth liberally to the inflamed area.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

Men who fear demons see demons everywhere.

In a multipolar world, there must be more powers capable of taking responsibility, the US and Europe must be able to unite to achieve peace in the Middle East.

Blasphemy has always seemed to require taking things very seriously.

If you're powerful enough you can even determine whom you will meet and whom you will avoid long before you meet them.

Music ministers to human welfare more than any other art.

I'm gonna go down in history as being one of the best music men and businessmen in entertainment ... The people that I'm going to be greater than are Steven Spielberg, David Geffen and Clive Davis.

Long before you were conceived by your parents, you were conceived in the mind of God.

Fat is a social disease, and fat is a feminist issue.

Reason, or the ratio of all we have already known, is not the same that it shall be when we know more.