April fool, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

I'd rather have rabies than be in love.""Why?""Because at least you can get over rabies with some shots.

Always stand up for what you believe in…even if it means standing alone.

Growing a business requires that we look at ourselves and change the way we make decisions.

Neglect of an effective birth control policy is a never-failing source of poverty which, in turn, is the parent of revolution and crime.

If I can be a working actor, if I can be an actor and not have a day job, I'll be fine.

John Cryan and I worked together at UBS, and I think John is one smart, hardworking individual, and I wouldn't bet against John. I wish him well.

When I play against someone that's new in the league, I make him respect me. They may have heard about me, but now you get to see me actually in front of you. That drives me.

She laughed like she'd just invented laughter.​

If you choose to criticize, you choose your enemies.

Most of my life I've had long periods of feeling down and lost. That's why every five years or so I've smashed my life to pieces and started again.