Archduke Franz Ferdinand Found Alive! First World War a Mistake!

You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.

I can speak Esperanto like a native.

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

Said Hamlet to Ophelia, I'll draw a sketch of thee. What kind of pencil shall I use? 2B or not 2B?

We haven't got a plan so nothing can go wrong!

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Begin with a new goal and with a new enthusiasm to create abundance in your life.

We just held each other for warmth. I cannot recall that we even spoke to one another. Such was our shock. That day we learnt a new word—war.

We have everything within us for our greatness and for our destruction. It comes back to what we think about.

The blessing begins at home.

You're sitting on my bed," he said. "Did yo think I was under it?

At some glad moment was it nature's choice to dower a scrap of sunset with a voice?

But it is really, really fun to just change it up some and to absolutely be a very small spoke on a big wheel, and to just be a part of that and contribute to something that people can enjoy.

Intuition comes from within. It's what you know when you're quiet and still.

All it takes for America to become a theocracy is for nonbelievers to do nothing.

I don't want to sound like some grumpy old man telling you to get off my lawn.