Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?

You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.

I can speak Esperanto like a native.

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

Said Hamlet to Ophelia, I'll draw a sketch of thee. What kind of pencil shall I use? 2B or not 2B?

We haven't got a plan so nothing can go wrong!

Life isn't something you possess, it's something you take part in.

The greatest threat to our Constitution is our own ignorance of it.

An Englishman teaching an American about food is like the blind leading the one-eyed.

Geoffrey [Howe] and I were mates, and he disagreed with [ Margaret Thatcher] position. So, we cooperated surreptitiously.

Some people tell me that we professional players are soccer slaves. Well, if this is slavery, give me a life sentence.

There are a lot of people out there who think that I am their worst enemy, and I don't even care if these people exist

He is extremely loyal to his friends, but he is tougher than anyone if he feels betrayed.

That no-hitter stuff was a long time ago; I don't think that has anything to do with it. I'm just going through a tough time.

Increasingly, campaigns have become narcotics that blur our awareness of problems long enough to elect the lawmakers who must deal with them.

Truth reveals itself in beauty.