Are you still jumping out of windows in expensive clothes?

A gentleman is someone who can play the accordion, but doesn't.

Don't plant your bad days. They grow into weeks. The weeks grow into months. Before you know it, you got yourself a bad year. Take it from me - choke those little bad days. Choke 'em down to nothing.

We are buried beneath the weight of information, which is being confused with knowledge; quantity is being confused with abundance and wealth with happiness. We are monkeys with money and guns.

I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy.

when your down on your luck and you've lost all your dreams theres nothing like a campfire and a can of beans

I like beautiful melodies telling me terrible things.

The folks who know the truth aren't talking.... The ones who don't have a clue, you can't shut them up!

You have to keep busy. After all, no dog's ever pissed on a moving car.

When I was younger, I wanted to be older. Now I am older, I am not quite so sure.

Most people don't care if you're telling them the truth or if you're telling them a lie, as long as they're entertained by it.

Social media has taken over in America to such an extreme that to get my own kids to look back a week in their history is a miracle, let alone 100 years.

The universe may not always play fair, but at least it's got a hell of a sense of humor.

Religion is a light in the fog.

The conversion of a savage to Christianity is the conversion of Christianity to savagery.

University politics make me long for the simplicity of the Middle East.

O Solitude! If I must with thee dwell, Let it not be among the jumbled heap of murky buildings

There were many times my pants were so thin I could sit on a dime and tell if it was heads or tails.

To be popular I must be mediocre.

We preach to men as if they were conscious they were dying sinners, they are not; they are having a good time.

Titles are but nicknames, and every nickname is a title. The thing is perfectly harmless in itself, but it marks a sort of foppery in the human character, which degrades it.