Arnold Palmer is the biggest crowd pleaser since the invention of the portable sanitary facility.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties

I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

Don't tell me you're not beautiful. You're the kind of beautiful the blind would see if we could figure out some way to give them three seconds of sight.

They say seeing is believing, but the opposite is true. Believing is seeing.

It must be confessed that horses at present work too exclusively for men, rarely men for horses; and the brute degenerates in man's society.

I'd done about 10 movies before I decided I wanted to make acting the main thrust of my career.

As long as I retain my feeling and my passion for Nature, I can partly soften or subdue my other passions and resist or endure those of others.

The way I cook it's more like mad science. There's a lot of inspiration and dramatic failure with the occasional gorgeous success.

I'm an atheist, a devout atheist, but I find religion fascinating. Primarily because of cultural references, as in: This is what we grew up with. Both on a personal level and a collective level.

I just believe if you don't believe in God, then where is your moral barometer? That's just me talking. You can believe what you want to believe.

Photography is a kind of overstatement, a heroic copulation with the material world.

At the depths of that dusty soul there is nothing but abject surrender.