Around comics, I've always been known for, oh, that's not dirty, this is dirty.

I have the brain of a German Shepherd and the body of a 16-year-old boy; they’re both in my car and I want you to see them

Yet there are some people - Steve Allen would dissect comedy forever; he's a really funny guy, but he would love talking about comedy. I'm doing it right now and you all seem bored.

I'd like a nice piece of salmon that's not too pink inside and yet isn't too dry or crisp either.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. And if that doesn't work out for you, Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life.

Behind every great man in prison is another great man in prison.

My father once told me, and it's stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward.

Today is a brand new day. A day of change, of promise, of creativity, of kindness, and of love. I'm going back to bed.

If someone sprays windex in your food it can give you diarrhea. But once you wipe it off your windows, you're fine.

I don't roll like that but I've never been with a hooker either. Yeah, that's good to say in an interview cause I feel bad a little because people grew up watching me and that's a little disturbing.

My dad told me if I was ever intimidated by anyone, just picture them with their clothes off. He said that's how he dealt with my mom.

There is no harm in trying... Trying improves your skills, enhances your stamina and encourages you to excel. Give it a try... Even in trying moments, keep trying. You will never regret it!

You’re unstoppable as long as you keep taking the next step.

Food is what I love, and how I communicate love, and how I calm myself.

That's really the fundamental question we face here in the beginning of this 21st century is whether or not we believe as a nation and others believe it is possible to defeat this ideology.

In a police state, referencing one's rights is seen as an act of aggression.

Institutions are essential in order to preserve the achievement of the past, but the original creative impulse in every age comes from the amateur, the rebel, the breaker of idols.

I am a storyteller from a personal viewpoint. When I run out of people I invent ghosts. I don't believe in ghosts. Never saw one.

Whenever I play something, everybody just thinks that's who I am.

It is tempting to deny, but if you deny you confirm what you won't deny.