As Lord Chesterfield said of the generals of his day, 'I only hope that when the enemy reads the list of their names, he trembles as I do.

Wise people learn when they can; fools learn when they must.

Our army is composed of the scum of the earth - the mere scum of the earth.

We always have been, we are, and I hope that we always shall be detested in France.

I don't know what effect these men will have upon the enemy, but by God, they frighten me.

All the business of war, and indeed all the business of life, is to endeavour to find out what you don't know by what you do; that's what I called 'guess what was at the other side of the hill'.

The hardest thing of all for a soldier is to retreat.

Educate men without religion and you make them clever devils.

An extraordinary affair. I gave them their orders and they wanted to stay and discuss them.

I never saw so many shocking bad hats in my life.

The British soldiers are fellows who have all enlisted for drink. That is the plain fact - they have all enlisted for drink.

Little islands are all large prisons

There are few things more amusing in the world of politics than watching moderate Republicans charging to the right in pursuit of greater glory.

The end of foreign occupation is one of the pre-requisites if we are to witness any progress in our efforts to help Iraq go forward.

I'm really high... I mean the altitude of course.

I am actually going to two therapists right now. I don't know, I actually feel like therapy has just made me more uncomfortable.

You have to be yourself, as models come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. There are girls out there who are more voluptuous and they work better for different sorts of stories.

Ignorance is a poison and knowledge will nourish.

Morality is seldom a safe guide for human conduct.

Do not forget, read a passage from the Gospel every day. It is the power that changes us, that transforms us, it changes life and it changes the heart.

There follows a little obscenity here, a dash of philosophy there, considerable whining overall, and a modern satirical novel is born.