As Prime Minister of Israel, I will introduce a bill into the Knesset that will simply pay the Arabs not to shoot at the Jews.

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.

Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself.

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

Excuse the mess but we live here.

As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job.

Half the world's starving; the other half is trying to lose weight.

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the bigger we are, the more space we'll take up, and the more we'll have to be reckoned with.

I call myself a 'domestic goddess.

Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?

I quit smoking. I feel better. I smell better. And it's safer to drink out of old beer cans laying around the house.

Prayer is sacred act for all seasons.

What a slacker. Just because daddy paid for his college education, he thinks he can avoid dying for his country." -- Willie "Drafted

Does man differ from the other animals? Only in posture. The rest are bent but he is a wild beast who walks upright.

if you ask me, nobody really likes people who are always doing their duty.

There's a lot of days where you feel forgotten.

Separate from the pleasure of your company, I don't much care if I never see another mountain in my life.

Then wear the gold hat, if that will move her; If you can bounce high, bounce for her too, Till she cry "Lover, gold-hatted, high-bouncing lover, I must have you!

Those with very loud voices in their throats are nearly incapable of thinking subtle thoughts.

Resist your fear; fear will never lead to you a positive end. Go for your faith and what you believe.

Now that my ladder's gone, I must lie down where all my ladders start, In the foul rag-and-bone shop of the heart.