As a child I most closely identified with Charlie Browns teacher. Nobody listened.

Every cookie is a sugar cookie. A cookie without sugar is a cracker.

No matter what time of year it's always funny when a person walks by me dressed in religious garb and I say Happy Halloween!

Just saw an orthodox Jewish kid do 3 pull-ups on the scaffolding. Shattering the previous record.

Don't go back over your life with a red pen.

Some people hate Jews. Fine, alright it's been done. I mean, that's part of my problem with it. Could you hate somebody new? I'm not giving you any suggestions but the Belgians have had a good run.

The key is to get it all down on paper before the coffee stops telling you you're talented.

Rich people are just like us though they now eat their meals off square shaped plates.

If you are 26 years old and you're waking up under Star Wars sheets... the Force is not with you.

The definition of the word nerd has changed. It's now any attractive person with a hobby. The loneliness component is no longer included.

I sometimes throw in a couple of swears just to keep the Christian right off my tail. I wouldn't want to be the tea party's go-to comedian.

I do not have a problem with people killing themselves, as long as they took at least a hundred years to think about what they are about to do.

We elected a man who knows how to build walls when we needed someone who knows how to build bridges.

Still on it creeps Each little moment at another's heels Till hours days years and ages are made up Of such small parts as these and men look back Worn and bewilder'd wondering how it is.

Know how to garnish food so that it is more appealing to the eye and even more flavorful than before.

Nathan Sutter," the teacher read. Here. My mother never calls me Nathan." Is it Nate?" She calls me Honeylips.

I believe that shows should be shot where they take place.

I need about three seats lengthwise to sleep on a plane. It's not easy for me to curl up.

There is a kind of latent omniscience, not only in every man, but in every particle.

The Mass-and I mean every single Mass-is heaven on earth. Literally.

Talking of love is making it.