As a comedian, you're kind of like a blues musician; you have to live a little bit.

A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers.

I have a wandering eye and a lazy eye so they cancel each other out. It's a push.

Breaking News: Winds so strong in NYC The Statue of Liberty's gown just blew off!

I think the education system is great just the way it is. There's kids in my neighborhood in Los Angeles, seven years old, that can already speak fluent Spanish.

If people can't deal with their problems, they numb themselves a little bit.

I became a vegetarian after I became aware of factory farming and slaughterhouses and the torture and inhumane handling of all these animals.

Every homeless puppy and kitten was born to parents who weren't spayed or neutered. I'm proud to support PETA's work to prevent animal homelessness.

You don't have to swim faster than the shark, just faster than the person you're with.

I'm on a strict running program. I started yesterday. I've only missed one day so far.

Never wear a red t-shirt to Target. I enjoy helping people, but not every two minutes.

In seeking wisdom thou art wise

I jumped up and down and swore violently in seventeen languages.

You're late.""Sorry. I was busy talking about my feelings and killing people.

To hope is not to demand.

Symbol systems cannot simply be rejected; they must be replaced. Where there is no replacement, the mind will revert to familiar structures at times of crisis, bafflement, or defeat.

What is one man's hate speech is another man's poetry.

Be a perpetual beginner. Always be inspired. It is that attitude of inspiration and belief that creates energy.

The British public has always had an unerring taste for ungifted amateurs.

All of the civil rights problems during the past years have created a situation where America right now is moving toward a police state. You can't have anything otherwise. So that's your supposition.

The primordial fire of reality is going to burn through the hull of our little ego spaceship, and scatter us like stars.