As a dancer, I out-Fred the nimblest Astaire.

Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

There is no surer foundation for a beautiful friendship than a mutual taste in literature.

It is never difficult to distinguish between a Scotsman with a grievance and a ray of sunshine.

I always advise people never to give advice.

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.

Gussie, a glutton for punishment, stared at himself in the mirror.

It was my Uncle George who discovered that alcohol was a food well in advance of modern medical thought.

As we grow older and realize more clearly the limitations of human happiness, we come to see that the only real and abiding pleasure in life is to give pleasure to other people.

The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.

The limits of freedom of expression is tautological: it ends at the point where it begins to affect the freedom of expression of others.

VIRTUES, n.pl. Certain abstentions.

Love is an undulating energy that moves through you, within you, and radiates out of you, and changes everything.

In anything you do, it's important to have your own personality there.

There's something about my Mexican-American heritage... I'm proud of it.

A mystery, and a dream, should my early life seem.

I’m definitely a feminist & proud of it.

Method actors are absolutely terrible. They want to direct themselves, and it's a disaster.

When you know a person particularly well, you cannot escape their ruffled feelings.

I believe the moral losses of expediency always far outweigh the temporary gains.