As a kid, I certainly never thought I would get to spend my life doing something fun.

It doesn't take a military genius to see we'll all be crispy critters after World War III.

As my father used to tell me, the only true sign of success in life is being able to do for a living that which makes you happy.

In heaven there is no beer. That's why we drink ours here.

If money can't buy happiness, then I guess I'll have to rent it.

You got me stranded on the bungee tower of love.

I'm still a geek on the inside, that's the important thing.

At this point I've got a bit of a track record. So people realize that when 'Weird Al' wants to go parody, it's not meant to make them look bad... it's meant to be a tribute.

If you want to avoid heated arguments, never discuss religion, politics, or whether the toilet paper roll should go over or under.

As a wise man once said, “April Fools Day is for amateurs. You NEVER need an excuse to mess with people's heads.”

Nows the time to go for all the gusto you can grab. You'll have plenty of time to be low-key when you're laid out on the slab.

There's so much to write. Where should I start?I texted my old Jiko this question, and she wrote me back this:'You should start where you are

If you're going to buy a castle, make sure you get on the property extension ladder.

Every business and every product has risks. You can't get around it.

I just like to act and write and produce. To me, making movies is the ultimate goal.

Fame is nothing but an empty name.

One of the glorious things about being a person in the world is that you don't have to worry about whether or not someone else is trying to be creepy.

You have to be saved to get into heaven....you only have to be you to get into hell.

I'm in a wonderful position: I'm unknown, I'm underrated, and there's nowhere to go but up.

What a blessing to be alone with your thoughts when so many are alone with their inability to think.