As a military child I first learned how to deal with different types of people and how to deal with order.

The Big Cactus... because if you come too close, you're gonna get stuck.

I knew I was dog meat. Luckily, I'm the high-priced dog meat that everybody wants. I'm the good-quality dog meat. I'm the Alpo of the NBA.

They shot the ball well early. What comes out of the microwave hot doesn't always stay hot. I know, because I eat bagels in the morning.

The stats win nothing. I'm still sexy. I'm still great.

You know, I'm very photogenic.

No one calls me out, I'm from LSU.

I put a lot into it, and when I am done playing, I plan on going undercover and then being the sheriff or chief of police somewhere, either Miami or Orlando, I don't know yet.

I'm not going to try to go out there and outdo him. I don't have to try to outdo him, I'm Shaq.

This summer is going to be a different summer for a lot of people. Everyone is going to take care of their own business and everyone is going to do what's best for them, including me.

I'm going back to the old Shaq. I was normal last year - I was an earthling last summer. I had to go back to my alien roots.

There are as many ways to live and grow as there are people. Our own ways are the only ways that should matter to us.

Clint Eastwood is an extraordinary director because he knows the value of a buck. He knows where it will show on the screen.

This happened to the people. The Constitution says of the people, by the people, for the people... but the people who got the office, got into office and forgot about the people.

You have to be careful not to use anything too colloquial or you date the book.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am not afraid of anything.

But enough of me. Lets talk about you. What do you think of me?

Wait. You work for me?" "I prefer to think of it as managing your incompetence.

The white male is the Jew of liberal fascism.

Oh, my gosh, thirty-eight hundred children are going to die tomorrow. What am I going to do to actually save some of them?

Thanksgiving dinner's sad and thankless. Christmas dinner's dark and blue. When you stop and try to see it From the turkey's point of view.