As a professional journalist, I am always looking for new ways to get paid for being motionless.

You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

It got so bad that Al thoughtmaybe it washimso he went to a shrinkand askedand the shrink said, "you're one of the sanest menI've ever met."poor Al.that made him feelworse than ever.

Feed your mind with thoughts that inspire, motivate, encourage, empower, educate and instruct you by deliberately choosing the information you allow into your world through sight, sound and people.

Loss reshapes us and teaches us to fill ourselves with something new. If we resist, we feel as you do. Hollow. Empty.

You have to learn to love yourself. How can others appreciate what you have to offer if you don’t value yourself?

Anyone who attempts anything original in the world must expect a bit of ridicule.

I am not alone in bearing grudges against reviewers who have doomed a book's chances because they've missed the point, the tone, everything.

In the company of the accomplished, people hope it will rub off on themselves, in the company of the misfortunate, they fear it!

I had a TV show called 'The Apprentice' and it's one of the most successful reality shows in the history of television. And now I'm doing something else.

If a false thought is so much as expressed boldly and clearly, a great deal has already been gained.

The more you meditate, the more helpful you can be to others, and the more deeply you will be in tune with God.