As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

Think before you speak. Read before you think.

My favorite animal is steak.

The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.

A hobby is, of course, an abomination, as are all consuming interests and passions that do not lead directly to large, personal gain.

Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.

There are two modes of transport in Los Angeles: car and ambulance. Visitors who wish to remain inconspicuous are advised to choose the latter

I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met.

Listen to me, you’ve got this. Seriously, you’ve got this.

Earl: Augh! They're trying to take the wolf off the endangered list .Mooch: I know. But did you hear what they're putting back on the endangered list? Earl: What?Mooch: Empathy and compassion.

The Bible is our authority in everything it touches. This means the Bible is our guide to show us how to live . . . it is our instructor.

Positively Inspired Man of Purpose

I would rather have someone say they hate me and mean it, than have someone say they love me and not.

Life has loveliness to sell, all beautiful and splendid things, blue waves whitened on a cliff, soaring fire that sways and sings, and children's faces looking up, holding wonder like a cup.

[The people that worked on The Simpsons] just had good taste. They knew how to execute absurd jokes.

I am a woman, I make mistakes. I make them often. God has given me a talent and that's it.

I like having a woman. I like having someone to come home to, to make all of the hard work feel worth it. I need someone with me. And I want someone.

Who am I to tamper with a masterpiece?