As far as guys who perform onstage, I love Chris Rock. I'm kind of jaded on everyone else.

I don't want to die tomorrow knowing I could've had a piece of cake tonight.

There's 5 levels of fatness! Fluffy is one of the levels. There's big, healthy, husky, fluffy and damn.

Why do people measure life by the years instead of how good the years were?

I drink diet coke so I can eat regular cake.

Me racist? The only race I hate is the one you have to run.

Life is measured by how you lived it, not by the years.

With all the classes they offer at school, how come they don't have one for common sense?

When you go to Hawaii, it's all about "Aloha." It means hello, goodbye and I love you.

You live by the cake, you die by the cake.

I had to travel half way across the world to be called an American.

... when editors were flattered, they would sometimes give in on some of their mad ideas.

If I am not today all that I hope to be, yet I see Jesus, and that assures me that I shall one day be like Him.

Surprise is the secret of joy.

It is not always possible to be the best, but it is always possible to improve your own performance.

I'm really an animal guy. I express myself in different ways as an animal.

I guess all the directors in France are influenced by Hitchcock, because he's the perfect visual director, in my eyes.

A man who is 100% sane is dead.

Even for charity I always give priority to education because I always teach young people - knowledge is your real companion, your life long companion, not fortune. Fortune can disappear.

If there was a Jane Austen camp, I would go, no question.

Half of our mistakes in life arise from feeling where we ought to think, and thinking where we ought to feel. - John Churton Collins The person who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything.