As humans we like to laugh at our fears, we like to whistle in the dark.

But the mechanics of learning to 'throw your voice' are pretty simple. Anyone with a tongue, an upper palate, teeth, and a normal speaking voice can learn ventriloquism.

When a bad experience happens, you just chalk it up to the great fact that you just got five more jokes in the show.

A comedian needs to have his own filters, needs to know his audience, how far he can push things.

I've always said that instead of watching a guy juggle seven things amazingly I would rather see a really bad juggler who's really funny.

If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

Everybody has their favorite character.That's the only way I pick, whatever is going on in society, whatever I think folks will laugh at that's what I come up with.

I started in a business background, but then it was like, 'you know, I can't do math,' so I changed it to a liberal arts degree and got my Bachelor of Arts in Communications and it made sense.

I've got an answer to where Osama bin Laden is and I know, he's dead and living in my suitcase with my dummies.'

I used to pick Priuses out of the grill of my Hummer.

You never know how long your fifteen minutes of fame is going to last.

Because the birdsong might be pretty, But it's not for you they sing, And if you think my winter is too cold, You don't deserve my spring.

I'm a wee bit obsessed, if by a wee bit you mean completely

To get it right be born with luck or else make it.

Censorship always defeats it own purpose, for it creates in the end the kind of society that is incapable of exercising real discretion.

If a man like Malcolm X could change and repudiate racism, if I myself and other former Muslims can change, if young whites can change, then there is hope for America.

The little man is still a man.

Before I leave this Earth, I would like to know they have given women the same benefits and promotions as men.

Do you live in a mine field or a garden? When we live in a minefield mentality, we explode with the weeds of worry, doubt, fear, lack and limitation. Choose to cultivate your inner garden!

These are only hints and guesses, Hints followed by guesses; and the rest Is prayer, observance, discipline, thought and action.