As it turns out, there is a thing called the Internet, and stuff does go out there whether the suits like it or not.

It doesn't take a military genius to see we'll all be crispy critters after World War III.

As my father used to tell me, the only true sign of success in life is being able to do for a living that which makes you happy.

In heaven there is no beer. That's why we drink ours here.

If money can't buy happiness, then I guess I'll have to rent it.

You got me stranded on the bungee tower of love.

I'm still a geek on the inside, that's the important thing.

At this point I've got a bit of a track record. So people realize that when 'Weird Al' wants to go parody, it's not meant to make them look bad... it's meant to be a tribute.

If you want to avoid heated arguments, never discuss religion, politics, or whether the toilet paper roll should go over or under.

As a wise man once said, “April Fools Day is for amateurs. You NEVER need an excuse to mess with people's heads.”

Nows the time to go for all the gusto you can grab. You'll have plenty of time to be low-key when you're laid out on the slab.

...and there you have it, another body on the floor surrounded by things that don't mean much to anyone except to the one who can't take any of them along.

I believe in the bible. I believe in the one true God. I believe he is the one true God because he's the only one that loved me enough to actually take action in my life.

It would be ridiculous to hold your breath and blame others for your inability to breathe. In the same sense, it is ridiculous to live an unaligned life and blame God for your misfortune.

The actions of those in power can have enormous consequences - a price that they themselves almost never have to pay.

A good dream, is better than a shitty reality.

Usually, when it's a story about three women all being involved with the same man, it ends in some eyeballs being scratched out and some weaves being snatched off.

Vietnam was worse than immoral - it was a mistake.

I have always loved reading, so was interested in the literary world, and took many literary portraits.

The finest woman that ever walked the streets.

My style is very simple, but I love Reese Witherspoon, Kate Hudson and Kate Middleton.