As long as the government can arbitrarily decide which substances are legal and which are illegal, then those who remain behind bars for illegal substances are political prisoners

There is indeed a business like show business. It's the news.

I Used To Believe In Reincarnation, But That Was In a Past Life.

For years, reality has been nipping at the heels of satire. Now, it's finally caught up. I don't need to make this stuff up.

I had become an atheist at the age of thirteen, when atomic bombs were dropped on Japan.

English is my second language. Laughter is my first.

I guess I'm a spiritual secularist, if that's not an oxymoron. My paths of secularism and spirituality are the same: I try to do the appropriate thing at each moment.

Since I was both an atheist and an absurdist, I had decided that the most absurd thing I could do would be to develop an intimate relationship with the God I didn't believe in.

People don’t like to be lectured to, but if you can make them laugh, their defenses come down, and for the time being they’ve accepted whatever truth is embedded in your humor.

Avoid internalizing society's sexism, racism, ageism - pick an ism, any ism.

Irreverence is our only sacred cow.

Life is an amazing wonder.

Anyone who hates anyone, only hates themselves.

Take a seat, Charlie, ” he said. “I’ll kill you in a few minutes. It’ll be good for you.

Only the man who does not need it, is fit to inherit wealth, the man who would make his fortune no matter where he started.

Junie B. Jones. The B stands for Beatrice. Except, I don't like Beatrice. I just like B and that's all.

Hiring great people is almost the most important thing you can do as a leader because they enable you to scale, and they create better leverage for you and your time.

He (Eric Davis) gets power from his bat speed.....it's like he has cork in his arms.

With her braided hair and white dress, she seemed to glow in the moonlight.

I have priorities. Maintaining my daughter is my first.

I never yet did hear, That the bruis'd heart was pierced through the ear