As psychotic as it gets outside, the comic can be more psychotic.

All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken!

I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.

Donald Trump came out as a birther, which is Republican for, 'I'm running for president.'

Elected officials shouldn’t get to choose who gets to choose elected officials.

If a group of people - leaders - can convince a group of folk who barely have a pot to piss in that the rich shouldn't be taxed-- THAT is leadership!

When it comes to idiots, America's got more than its fair share. If idiots were energy, it would be a source that would never run out.

You can never put too much pork in your mouth as far as I'm concerned.

What I find most disturbing about Valentine's Day is, look, I get that you have to have a holiday of love, but in the height of flu season, it makes no sense.

There is a light within our soul that burns brighter than the sun. And we ignore it.

The biggest awakening is the awakening from the childish deceptions and the invented tales of the religion.

One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say.

I tend to curse in French more often than I do in English.

Ironclads and Maxim guns must be the ultimate arbiters of metaphysical truth.

There's an old saying, 'Life begins at forty.' That's silly. Life begins every morning you wake up.

May I feel like I feel when I'm about to eat cake.

When the great markets by the sea shut fastAll that calm Sunday that goes on and on:When even lovers find their peace at last,And Earth is but a star, that once had shone.

Industry and institutes need to build smarter linkages.

I've been working with contractors designing and building a house on a nonstop basis since I learned about all these systems of audio, construction, electricity, energy, water systems.