As soon as I jumped out of the airplane, I realized I had forgotten my parachute. Thank God we were still on the runway.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

It's fine to be a great democrat when you've a slave to rub your boots on.

I make movies that nobody will see. I've made movies that even I have never seen.

I would like to do something modern and possibly funny.

I guess just accepting failure is the thing. I don't really look at it as a failure. I look at them as learning lessons and things you grow from but not really a failure, because that's life.

I got in the habit of giving away a book as soon as I've finished it because I lived in a housing co-op at Cambridge and had no space to keep books.

Life seems to be busy for most people and if you know you are doing the best you can then there really is nothing more you can do then that.

Angels are quite ample cause to cry.

Your arm is unvanquished, but not invincible.

Church attendance may be dipping, but God can survive the Internet age. After all, He knows a thing or two about resurrection.

It is the unpleasant and unacceptable face of capitalism, but one should not suggest that the whole of British industry consists of practices of this kind.