As they say in my country, the only thing that separates us from the animals is mindless superstition and pointless ritual.

What's real? What's not? That's what I do in my act, test how other people deal with reality.

I see the world as an illusion, and we shouldn't take ourselves so seriously

There's no way to describe what I do. It's just me.

I never told a joke in my life.

My mother sent me to psychiatrists since the age of four because she didnt think little boys should be sad. When my brother was born, I stared out the window for days. Can you imagine that?

When I perform, it's very personal. I'm sharing things I like, inviting the audience into my room.

The critics try to intellectualize my material. There's no satire involved. Satire is a concept that can only be understood by adults. My stuff is straight, for people of all ages.

I just want real reactions. I want people to laugh from the gut, be sad from the gut - or get angry from the gut.

Theres no drama like wrestling.

That was part of the whole original concept. We were thinking, it's off-season, let's do a really fun, local-oriented event, raise money for good causes and bring some music to the valley.

That was her magic— she could still see the sunseteven on those darkest days.

The test of every religious, political, or educational system is the man that it forms.

We win or the alumni bash in our teeth. (On the dental plan at NC State)

If you can educate Muslims about their biggest enemy, and if you can solve the problem, the ideological problem, it doesn't give an immediate result, but it's the best thing over the long term.

There are things a man must not do even to save a nation.

[Barack Obama] pledged to end torture, but he has continued the CIA renditions where you kidnap people and send them to another country to be interrogated.

Email is not going to disappear. Possibly ever. Until the robots kill us all.

It once occured to me that literature - all art really - is either talking to people about God, or talking to God about people.

In theory it may seem all right to some, but when it comes to being made the instrument of the Lord's vengeance, I myself don't like it.

I began to speak well at a very advanced age - 15, 16, 17 years old. It was psychological: the trauma of war, my family and growing up on my own. I was more or less a street kid.