As you can imagine, with Hillary Clinton being here, security is very tight. The Secret Service has been here all day sweeping the halls, the offices, the hard drives... It's tight.

Don't keep reaching for the stars because you'll just look like an idiot stretching that way for no reason.

Thank you, people who say 'Wow, you're really photogenic,' for not saying what you really mean: 'Wow, you're really ugly in person.'

Thank you... fantasy football draft, for letting me know that even in my fantasies, I am bad at sports.

In New York, there are so many potholes, they're like craters on the moon. That's another traffic thing.

The man who invented Doritos has passed away at the age of 97. He asked to be buried with the creator of Fritos and Cheetos in a variety pack.

I just really don't like being the center of attention that much. It's kind of ironic.

If you're a sports fan you realize that when you meet somebody, like a girlfriend, they kind of have to root for your team. They don't have a choice.

I know what you want. And I know what you need. But I'm gonna screw it up, yeah, cause I'm an idiot. And I'm your boyfriend.

Researches at Yale found a connection between brain cancer and work environment. The No. 1 most dangerous job for developing brain cancer? Plutonium hat model.

I don't shoot guns. I don't know how to do that. I grew Upstate New York, so I fought with my fists.

Success breeds confidence.

The soul accepts the mystery within and all around, immersing itself in it, celebrating it.

People are unlikely to know that they need a product which does not exist and the basis of market research in new and innovative products is limited in this regard.

A poem is a flexible thing, and a poem is a poem.

Perhaps the single most important point for parents to follow is the importance of giving goals to a child. And the most important goal is that of growing up to be an adult.

Luck never built a business. Prosperity and growth come only to the business that systematically finds and exploits its potential.

The sole purpose of life is to gain merit for life in eternity.

There is something eccentric in the orbit of Mars.

We need to be skilled into knowing God and His Word, then act as excellent translators of these things to the people in our churches.