As you get older, then you finally come back around full circle when you don't give a s - anymore and you decide I'm going to just tell the truth to everybody. I don't give a s - if anybody likes me.

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

We are endowed with different kinds of gifts for different kinds of services.

In reality we are still children. We want to find a playmate for our thoughts and feelings.

It all depends on you. If you want it to be different,it will be different. Don't look at the world with your eyes but with your heart.

Life is so very difficult. How can we be anything but kind.

To be free in an age like ours, one must be in a position of authority. That in itself would be enough to make me ambitious.

Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to the wrong people.

I still believe in Hope - mostly because there's no such place as Fingers Crossed, Arkansas.

We would like to see, in the future, what we will probably call needs-based licensing of all weapons. ...Where it would make it much more difficult for anybody to be able to purchase handguns.

The abolition of domestic slavery is the great object of desire in those colonies, where it was unhappily introduced in their infant state.

Make it plain that you have no time for war, that you have more important things to do....let the diplomats and marshals of the earth shoot each other.