As you know now, Rush Limbaugh is the new face of the Republican Party, but they'll probably go with a different body.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.

The future for us is the foreseeable future. The South Asian, however, feels that it is perfectly realistic to think of a 'long time' in terms of thousands of years.

We took on things which people might think would take a year or two. They weren't particularly hard. What was hard was believing they weren't hard.

I naturally own a lot of very old magazines. And I enjoy going to old magazines because the advertisements in those magazines tended to have thousands of words of copy in them.

So spake the seraph Abdiel, faithful found; Among the faithless, faithful only he.

Usually I read biographies of interesting people. I am not attracted to novels - make-believe, or recreations of what people think life should be.

In sum, we took energy for granted, assuming when we flipped the switch, the lights would go on and assuming that there would always be plenty of cheap fuel for our vehicles.

Don’t get hung up on the female thing. The art is not about that.

A bumper of good liquor Will end a contest quicker Than justice, judge or vicar.

Perhaps no sin so easily besets us as a sense of self-satisfied superiority to others.