Asians are nice people, but they burn a lot of shirts.

Italians are fantastic people, really. They can work you over in an alley while singing an opera.

No matter where you go in this world, you will always find a Jew sitting in the beach chair next to you.

I think if I took therapy, the doctor would quit. He'd just pick up the couch and walk out of the room.

When you enter a room, you have to kiss his ring. I don't mind, but he has it in his back pocket.

When you stand alone and sell yourself, you can't please everyone. But when you're different, you can last.

Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder?

I always rib people, but nobody ever gives me a hard time. I don't know why. Maybe they're afraid of what I might say. There's probably a lesson in that somewhere, but I don't know what it is.

Yeah, I make fun of blacks, and why not? I'm not a black.

I used to play golf. I wanted to be a better player, but after a while I realized I'd always stink. And that's when I really started to enjoy the game.

Some people say funny things - but I say things funny.

We are each responsible for all of our experiences.

When men sow the wind it is rational to expect that they will reap the whirlwind.

I think if I were walking someplace and I saw a corpse my brain would tell me it was a million things before I believed it was a corpse.

You can't look too old for the chorus.

This moment is your portal to the future. Use it wisely!

Don't ever tell a story like it wasn't about you.

God is not an obligation or burden. God is the joy of my life!

Every nut who kills people has a Bible lying around.

What is the hardest task in the world? To think.

Bella?" a different voice called from the distance. No! Please let me be imagining that horribly familiar voice.