Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs.

I think there's something degrading about having a husband for a rival. It's humiliating if you fail and commonplace if you succeed.

To seduce a woman famous for strict morals, religious fervor and the happiness of her marriage: what could possibly be more prestigious?

Masturbation is the thinking man's television.

If I had to give a definition of capitalism I would say: the process whereby American girls turn into American women.

I have always thought of sophistication as rather a feeble substitute for decadence.

I like L.A., but I think whats changed is that the kinds of films I do, the mid-range dramatic film, has become an endangered species.

You see, I always divide people into two groups. Those who live by what they know to be a lie, and those who live by what they believe, falsely, to be the truth.

You know very well that unless you're a scientist, it's much more important for a theory to be shapely, than for it to be true.

There is a sort of theory that you should adapt bad books because they always make more successful films.

I'm ashamed to say the first play I saw at the Royal Court was mine.

Choices are powerful things. In fact, they’re more powerful than most things.

That loss is common would not makeMy own less bitter, rather more:Too common! Never morning woreTo evening, but some heart did break.

In a home school, the kid does 95% of the work. But in a school system, since it's an indoctrination system, a teacher has to do 95% of the work.

Mulch was not impressed. 'I'm not impressed,' he said.

An oxymoron? What's that? A moron who studies at Oxford?

bite me. oh wait, you can't from way out there." - eve

Everyone who is honest is interesting.

I think people will read about anything if it's good or interesting or funny enough.

Sometimes I'll be telling my husband, 'I think I'm cracking up'. Sometimes you just need a minute to say, 'I think I'm cracking' and just acknowledge it.

Neither your family nor your culture gave you your personality. You created it yourself.