Assassinating someone is another way of saying I care, just not in the way they'd want you to.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

Today is the best day to begin your life again and plan the rest of your life.

Those comfortably padded lunatic asylums which are known euphemistically as the stately homes of England.

Very few beings really seek knowledge in this world. Mortal or immortal, few really ASK. On the contrary, they try to wring from the unknown the answers they have already shaped in their own minds.

Do not allow the enemy of your soul to rob you of that unique quality God has breathed into you.

I don't like when people pay for me.

When I was five years old I knew I wanted to act.

Condensed milk is wonderful. I don't see how they can get a cow to sit down on those little cans.

And weed's not a drug - that's denial

I use my job to engage empathy and compassion for people society might stereotype or ostricise.

What's really good about the word 'art' is that 'art' is a word like 'love,' or 'god,' or whatever. It transcends so many things.