Assuming either the Left Wing or the Right Wing gained control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles.

All the problems we face in the United States today can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indian.

Why should we tell kidnappers, murderers, and embezzlers their rights? If they don't know their rights, they shouldn't be in the business.

No Taxes. Let's just tip the government 15% if they do a good job.

I must choose my words carefully in order to avoid any negative interpretation. Among politicians, this is a tactic known as lying.

I read an article that said one in five Americans thinks Elvis is alive. I want to find those morons and get them registered to vote for me.

I am neither left wing nor right wing. I am middle-of-the-bird.

Having a comic in the White House will assure stability in foreign relations. The world will continue to respond to foreign initiatives by saying, 'You must be joking.'

We have nothing to fear but fear itself...and of course the boogieman.

Deep down, I happen to be very shallow.

If Iowa is the 'heart' land, what part of the human body is Los Angeles?

An item is only worth what someone is willing to pay for it

In leadership, the way up is down. Serve before you get served

It is better to be hungry in joy, than to be filled in sorrow.

I met a woman who photographed celebrity dogs for a book, and she told me that Ralph Lauren's dog is named Rugby. I said, Yeah, but his real name is Stickball.

Talent doesn't win. Hard work, determination, and character wins. If you root your talent and ability in those things, then you have a powerful combination.

Men are rather beholden ... generally to chance or anything else, than to logic, for the invention of arts and sciences.

I would have every minister of the gospel address his audience with the zeal of a friend, with the generous energy of a father, and with the exuberant affection of a mother.

Habit is stronger than desire.

Color television! Bah, I won't believe it until I see it in black and white.

A gentleman is one who understands and shows every mark of deference to the claims of self-love in others, and exacts it in return from them.