Astronomy teaches the correct use of the sun and the planets.

Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.

The landlady of a boarding-house is a parallelogram - that is, an oblong angular figure, which cannot be described, but which is equal to anything

Now, the essence, the very spirit of Christmas is that we first make believe a thing is so, and lo, it presently turns out to be so.

It may be those who do most, dream most.

I am a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.

A half truth, like half a brick, is always more forcible as an argument than a whole one. It carries better.

Advertising: the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.

There are two things in ordinary conversation which ordinary people dislike - information and wit

I detest life-insurance agents: they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so.

It takes a good deal of physical courage to ride a horse. This, however, I have. I get it at about forty cents a flask, and take it as required.

The emotions - love, mirth, the heroic, wonder, tranquility, fear, anger, sorrow, disgust - are in the audience.

May you find comfort and peace in every situation.

A credit card allows you transcend time. For it allows you to put off until tomorrow what you bought today, while you are still paying off what you bought yesterday.

Children hold us hostage; they represent our commitment to the future.

The alumni of Second City from John Belushi to Martin Short have changed my entire life and brought a new kind of comedy to America and the World.

What we do is a calling...we make people happy.

The more I want a book to be done, the faster I type because I just want to get it out.

The collapse of Enron and the subsequent collapse of Arthur Andersen were tremendous tragedies. But as I stated at the time of my indictment on July 8, 2004, failure does not equate to a crime.

I've always made music from the heart, and that's what I do. And at the end of the day, whether it works or not, I can say I tried my best.

I have painted and drawn bulls for some time because of their density and all the symbolism they carry.