At college my three main interests were - in descending order of importance - a steady supply of recreational drugs, a 2-S draft deferment, and overthrowing the Nixon administration.

In Palm Springs, they think homelessness is caused by bad divorce lawyers.

Commencement speeches were invented largely in the belief that outgoing college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated.

I've been trying for some time to develop a lifestyle that doesn't require my presence.

That's what fiction writers do: create characters and do terrible things to them for the entertainment of others. If they feel guilty enough, they write happy endings.

Becoming the new feminine ideal requires just the right combination of insecurity, exercise, bulimia and surgery.

Freedom should always be discussed within the context of responsibility.

I try to take people one at a time, with all the contradictions and compromises that most of us live with.

Life is like a movie-since there aren't any commercial breaks, you have to get up and go to the bathroom in the middle of it.

I'm still passionately interested in what my fellow humans are up to. For me, a day spent monitoring the passing parade is a day well-spent.

Where there's smoke, there's bound to be mirrors.

A great teacher plants the seeds of greatness in the minds of future generations.

You are the artistic painter of your success. Paint your life day-by-day, into the masterpiece of excellence you want.

He thinks he can see all her grief in her face, all her love and empty days.

It seemed to me that these months of watching and listening, second-guessing words and phrases, seeking so much that was new, had somehow changed me.

I like to practice being still and I feel like that promotes a lot of positivity.

Well, I think I learned a valuable lesson. Always take down your Christmas decorations after new years or you might get filleted by a hooker from God.

I'm going to do as much as I can for the animal world, and I'll never stop.

Having a puppet is a way of having opposing opinions - I say a thing; he says the other.

What is it about this ideological dream of the right to bear arms that overrides any other rights, I mean the rights to not have your children killed at school?

But this is a remarkable egg, an egg worth talking about, an egg worth crossing the street for, an egg worth writing about.