At first, I didn't really care if global warming existed. But then I realized it means that less bums would freeze to death in the winter

I was mad when I heard The Amazing Race wasn't about white people.

I was kosher until I had my Bar Mitzvah, and I parlayed officially becoming a man into telling my father I wanted to eat cheeseburgers.

I once fisted two babies and then used the corpses as boxing gloves to fight off the grieving parents.

It's all about being a part of something in the community, socializing with people who share interests and coming together to help improve the world we live in.

In New York, we tip everyone. We tip doormen, we tip cab drivers, and we tip bartenders at the bar. You'll get quite an evil eye if you don't leave a tip at the bar.

I like hot dogs. I like eggplant. I like pizza and creamed corn and beer. But I don't like Arabs.

The best way to travel abroad is to live with the locals.

I don't mind it if blacks want equal rights, as long as they mean rights equal to a dog

It turns out Superman is weak to Kryptonite and horses.

Women have the right to choose what do with their own bodies. They can take it in the cooch or in the pooper. But that's where their right to choose stops, in my opinion.

To be truly positive in the eyes of some, you have to risk appearing negative in the eyes of others.

Love provides much needed warmth .. Excess of it would essentially mean burning .. Responsibility will turn love into enchantment .. And respect will turn life into fulfilment.

'Grandmother' doesn't mean that you have gray hair and you retire and stay home cooking cakes for your grandchildren.

To be ignorant of motion is to be ignorant of nature

Lastly, there is bankruptcy, as the United States pours its economic resources into ever more grandiose military projects and shortchanges the education, health, and safety of its citizens.

You have to be very careful with who you do business. It's like a marriage. Do your research and check references.

A regret understood by no one: the regret to be a pessimist. It’s not easy to be on the wrong foot with life.

I am open and receptive to all the good and abundance in the Universe.

I'm a wet liberal really, and always have been. But I'm sort of an aggressive wet liberal.

When death is so certain, it is better to die for a good cause.