At my age flowers scare me.

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.

There's an old saying, 'Life begins at forty.' That's silly. Life begins every morning you wake up.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.

I get up every morning and read the obituary column. If my name's not there, I eat breakfast.

Funny how people that don't believe in nothin' are so quick to believe every crazy story about people like us.

Oh, children, growing up to be Adventurers into sophistry, Forbear, forbear to be of those That read the rood to learn the rose.

Otis D'ablo is alive! Do you here me? He is alive and trying to kill me!

If I have any claim to originality, I do it by investing my own personality into it, so it's coming from a slightly more sardonic, English point of view.

Eternal truth, eternal righteousness, eternal love; these only can triumph, for these only can endure.

I get road rage. I can't drive because I cuss people out.

The thing is that it is incredibly frustrating to anyone who would control it, because you can't predict the impact of any technology before you put it in place.

A young man is so strong, so mad, so certain, and so lost. He has everything and he is able to use nothing.

Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.

You may not believe in life, but I don't believe in death. Move on!