At once I feel that comedy is this amazing sort of transcendent thing, and I'm also open to the fact that maybe it's just an evolutionary hiccup, something that upright apes do in their free time.

Quotes are for dumb people who can't think of something intelligent to say on their own.

Once a week, I like to slip into a deep existential depression where I lose all my sense of oneness and self-worth.

I love you just the way you are but you don't see you like I do. You shouldn't try so hard to be perfect. Trust me, perfect should try to be you.

I saw a giraffe with a short neck That was sad Or a deer

If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land?

Laughter is the best medicine, y'know, besides medicine.

Squaring numbers are just like women. If they're under thirteen, just do them in your head.

If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I'd still say no.

I stopped and I thought, 'What would Jesus do?' So I didn't exist.

Maybe life on earth could be heaven, doesn't just the thought of it make it worth a try?

Some memories are meant for not to be said, either they are too Scary to tell, or we love them that much, that we can’t explain those in oral words

Listening to your ego brings your vibration down

Our democracy is the centerpiece of who we are as a nation. And it is the fondest hope of all Americans that we can help bring democracy to every corner of the world.

The more you like yourself, the better you do at everything you put your mind to.

The errors of young men are the ruin of business, but the errors of aged men amount to this, that more might have been done, or sooner.

As I am a poet I express what I believe, and I fight against whatever I oppose, in poetry.

I made myself platinum, but I was born a dirty blonde.

With God, every day matters, every person counts. And that includes you.

It doesn't look like much work goes on at this university.

Most of us, like the assembly line worker, have jobs that are too small for our spirit. Jobs are not big enough for people.