At one point, Lucille's agent wanted to have me fired, telling her that my eyes were bigger than hers. When I head this, I told her that if I had her looks and talent, I'd keep me and fire the agent!

I don't want to be a star - most of the ones I know are too unhappy.

When I die, there will be people who send flowers to Ethel Mertz.

I loathed William Frawley and the feeling was mutual. Whenever I received a new script, I raced through it, praying that there wouldn’t be a scene where we had to be in bed together.

In the history of the earth, the sun remains still.

Had they been dogs they would have sniffed me over and then drawn back. But humans have no such inbred courtesies.

Excellent things are rare.

I tend to ... if I decide to do a job, want to be able to trust my director...

Even if it is painful and lonely, associate with worthy companions.

Because it may seem like a small role now, but it matters. In the end, everything matters.

Senator John Kerry released his plan today to eliminate the deficit. He said all we have to do is find a really rich country like Switzerland and marry it.

And while we destroy / Our children will grow / Not missing the things they'll never know / A crime against them / Against you and me / A crime against all humanity

They don't know I'm staring, what does it matter if I keep on doing it?

I think comedy does have that powerful thing that doesn't seem too preachy because you're also making people laugh, so it's really kind of a good tool for messaging.