At the White House, they caught another fence jumper earlier today. It was Obama trying to get out.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

Time is the skin of existence.

Laying in a hammock, darkness surrounds me.

Politics is a blood sport.

I was a great student. I was good at everything.

Good people were also capable of doing very bad things.

He who has once taken to drink can seldom be said to be guilty of one sin only.

Sometimes I wish I were a character in a book and there was a writer out there giving me things to say.

I'm never quite sure how the poem is going to resolve itself and that I'm always in some way surprised. I make a discovery in a poem as I write it.

Directing television is really hard - it's so fast. You shoot an hour show in seven days.