At the airport if you refuse to be patted down, they arrest you. And what's the first thing they do when they arrest you? They pat you down.

According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man's best friend is his dog.

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.

Politics is just show business for ugly people.

CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'

Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.

Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.

Hearts can't be broken because they're made of marzipan.

Light on its worst day will conquer darkness on its best day.

Friendship lasts for four seasons and more.

My mom saved my life. She gave me mouth-to-mouth more than once.

A crash is when your competitor's program dies. When your program dies, it is an 'idiosyncrasy'.

study to practice in life that which the Lord commands, and then be you assured that you shall never hear nor read the same without fruit.

A few of us who are around the sixty mark don't play that much these days and if you are taking on a couple of guys in their forties it is very difficult.

Faith does not inquire whether there are good works to be done, but even before asking questions, faith has done the works already.

The machine unmakes the man. Now that the machine is so perfect, the engineer is nobody.

My novels are high concept. I guess big ideas interest me more than, say, the minutiae of domestic life.