At the battle of the bands the loser's always the audience.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

So long as the soul of man is encased in one, two, or three body-containers, sealed tightly with the corks of ignorance and desires, he cannot merge with the sea of Spirit.

How strange that we can go from friends to inseparable to hateful then casual all in one lifetime.

Greatness is not a flower that grows in an easy life

A lighthouse is kind of like an angel. Most of the people the light helps take it for granted. Until it’s not there.

Let the change begin with your choices this very moment.

Sometimes I get, "Have you ever thought about doing real music?" I like to think the music I do is real, it just happens to be funny.

I know so many songs. I'm like a walking karaoke torture machine.

Ali always said I would be nothing without him, but who would he have been without me?

O truth divine! enlightened by thy ray, I grope and guess no more, but see my way.

One thing that stays pretty consistent for all my jobs is, I listen to a lot of music while I'm working.