Athletes tend to have less of a sense of humor than most people. They are heroes to so many. That might be part of it.

My parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles were all funny, and I felt that energy, that delivery, that timing, that sarcasm. All that stuff seeped into my brain.

Life is short. You have to be able to laugh at our pain or we never move on.

Do you want me to apologize after every joke? If it doesn't offend somebody it's probably not a joke. It's probably an observation that's not funny. It's gotta offend somebody somewhere.

I've actually tried to roast somebody that I don't like, and it doesn't go well. Either they're a bad sport or I'm not as funny as I could be.

When I see a good singer, I get teary-eyed. Part of it is jealousy because all comedians are frustrated rock stars. That's a fact.

How is it possible that Courtney Love looks worse than Kurt Cobain?

I've always liked cops, as much as you can like a group of people, you know? Sure, I've been hassled, but I'm a white dude - privileged.

Instead of running for President, why don’t you try walking on a treadmill?

My life and my career have been a series of happy and not so happy accidents.

It really bothers me when some people say that all cops are racist. Of course that's not true. Most of you are just [expletive] to everybody.

I have good reason to be content, for thank God I can read andperhaps understand Shakespeare to his depths.

I don't believe there is a God", I said fiercely, "and if there is, He's not the merciful being He's always depicted, or He wouldn't be always torturing me for His own amusement.

The only things that last are love and hate. The only one that matters is love: Choose love. Hate erodes. Love nourishes..

Some things feel really good to sing: there's a physical aspect, but there's more to it - a deeper place you go to.

Put the kids in with a few old pappy guys who still like to win and the combination is unbeatable.

If I'm going to fly for more than twenty feet it's generally a good idea to get a stunt guy.

So difficult it is to show the various meanings and imperfections of words when we have nothing else but words to do it with.

Troubles are only mental; it is the mind that manufactures them, and the mind can gorge them, banish them, abolish them.

The next time you are called to suffer, pay attention. It may be the closest you'll ever get to God.

There is something going on in time and space, and beyond time and space, which, whether we like it or not, spells duty.