Audiences and critics they don't like seeing what happens in real life. Why do you think comedies make all the money at the box office? People want to go and laugh. I can understand that.

Life is too short to miss out on the beautiful things like a double cheeseburger.

I had people in my life who were insane and negative, but they taught me how not to be, how I didn't want to end up.

Someday you'll miss her like she missed you. Someday you'll need her like she needed you. Someday you'll love her and she won't love you.

I think that the divorce rate's over 50% for a reason. I don't think people are taking enough time now to really see if they can make it work and live together.

I have a theory that as nice and sweet as you can be equates to how dangerous you can be.

Everyone's a nerd inside. I don't care how cool you are.

Just relax and really say what you're actually thinking, and not what you think people want to hear.

Sometimes a thong completely betrays you.

I sort of became infatuated with soldiers. I got to know some of them and got a little perturbed with Hollywood making a spectacle out of them and making them look like they have screwed up somehow.

I auditioned for a Pepsi commercial, and I got it, and that was incredibly fun. So I thought, Well, maybe I should try this acting thing.

Writers are not narcissists. They simply acknowledge that what they find interesting is not unique to them.

It was different than all the rest because I say it was. I felt it was.

You do stand alone sometimes. But my mother stood by me through all this.

Anybody toting guns and stripping moose don't care too much about what they do with Jews and blacks.

The older you get, the more important it is to not act your age.

I was born in the USA, which many people still find hard to believe.

I do not think that any sorrow of youth or manhood equalled in intensity or duration the black and hopeless misery which followed the wrench of transference from a happy home to a school.

Let slip the dogs of champions.

I don't own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone wants to get a hold of me, they just say 'Mitch,' and I say 'what?' and turn my head slightly.

Petty things become unimportant when people are impassioned about a purpose higher than self.