Australia, Australia, we love you from the heart. The kidneys, the liver & the giblets too. And every other part.

You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.

I can speak Esperanto like a native.

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

Said Hamlet to Ophelia, I'll draw a sketch of thee. What kind of pencil shall I use? 2B or not 2B?

We haven't got a plan so nothing can go wrong!

try not just to become a person of success but rather a person of value.

Our assumptions of playing "gods" could lead to our own ignorance.

If I’m super lucky, I might be able to fight him off and maybe even the warrior after him, but it’s not a long-term survival strategy. By long-term, I mean the next ten minutes.We’re screwed.

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

Nobody's perfect but I definitely strive.

You don't find happiness, you make happiness.

You sometimes have to answer a woman according to her womanliness, just as you have to answer a fool according to his folly.

When a candidate walks away from a reality show, that's when you know they're serious about being president of the United States.

Education is the great equalizer, and shouldn't be limited to the wealthiest few.

No amount of human willfulness can overcome God's determined love.