Award shows are fun, but completely arbitrary and absurd. And yet, I will watch every single one of them.

I came back to New York after college like any number of struggling performers, and you just find that niche where you can have some sort of impact. And for me that turned out to be comedy.

I can tell when somebody recognizes me, and I try to avoid those people.

I have a medical condition, all right. It's called caring too much, and it's incurable. Also, I have eczema.

For some reasons, I have WWE wrestlers tweeting me all the time. Like, my biggest fans. Why they can connect with my love for Meryl Streep, I don't know.

If you really think you have something good, you can't take no for an answer. You've got to get in there and ignore the people who say no.

My father and I were really like a team. I mean, he was very supportive. He'd come to every single one of my live shows.

I've had a lot of arguments with people, but it's never really gotten physical.

I'm not a big reality show fan, because I just think it's too fake.

Hotmail just picked up 12 new episodes of 'Judging Amy'.

Difficult People? I don't really know. I don't have those metrics.

Part time christian cannot defeat a full time devil

He is, or has been, in many ways a great man. But for this very reason he is odd. It is only petty men who seem normal.

The one cool thing with getting older is that you can actively choose to just be an eccentric.

Loneliness is a kind of prison. [Vincent Van Gogh]

The only business in the world bigger than gambling is religion...but gambling is not nearly so corrupt.

I'm still the same and I don't feel any different but when the elevator doors open and everybody gasps, it's an alienating feeling.

What good is it to look like Tarzan and play like Jane?

Twitter, Facebook and YouTube have to respect the Turkish Republic's laws

I was a microscopic life-form, infinitely large, stumbled backstage of its playhouse, caught a nanosecond glance of its own reality and nearly vaporized in shock.

Ladies and gentlemen....." His voice is quiet, but mine rings through the room. "Let the Seventy-sixth Hunger Games begin!