BP has put more birds in oil than Colonel Sanders.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

Life is a sail boat ride. Wind, the destiny. But dammit, you are the sailor!

Rethink change: Make change management irrelevant through Appreciative Leadership Innovation focused Expectations (ALIFE)

If someone asked you what color the sky is, what would you say?

If you think like others, how can you be sure you're thinking at all?

To choose the light or to choose other things is always the question.

I try to take the pain and find a way to use it in my work; I find that it makes the work deeper.

When you begin to think and grow rich, you will observe that riches begin with a state of mind, with definiteness of purpose, with little or no hard work.

Funny how the new things are the old things.

Believe in your dreams and that anything is possible.

And pluck till time and times are done the silver apples of the moon the golden apples of the sun.